After
reading Chapter 14 of Messages by McKay, Davis, and Fanning, I realize that it
is not easy for me to “work the room” per say or even strike up a conversation
with a stranger. Just as the authors explain, fear from strangers come from two
sources: outmoded nineteenth-century social restrictions and you own
self-depreciating internal monologue (McKay & et, 2009). On chapter 13, the
authors use an example of this slender woman standing awkwardly by herself and
frowning at a party (p. 191, McKay & et, 2009). Even though this example is
used as a prejudgment example, I can only imagine myself actually doing the
same thing. Maybe not frowning exactly, but spacious, bored, and watching
everyone else having fun.
Reflecting
on my behavior when meeting new strangers I think I do fall under both sources
of fear from strangers. I do usually expect a mutual friend to introduce me to
the strangers regardless of the gathering, whether it’s business or social. On
my behavior as well I do have a problem self-depreciating me as a person and
predicting the worst out of meeting someone new. I begin by telling myself “I’m
boring”, “I have nothing good to say”, “Nothing is interesting about me”,
“Nothing interesting has happened to me yet”, etc. Fear of rejection is and has
always been one of my biggest concerns and since I rather not deal with it, I
remove myself from any possible situations where I may get rejected.
Some of
the lessons I have taken from this lecture in order to improve my ability to
connect with others are:
Analyze what I say to myself,
Reframe my approach behavior,
Reframe my view of rejection,
Learn how to deal with the
emotional blow of rejection,
Plan to get rejected,
Use my body language to
convey interest and full attention,
Find good icebreakers to begin
conversations with strangers, and
Ask questions.
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