A few
years ago, my at-the-time boyfriend got into a car accident in my car while I
was sleeping in the passenger side. Before the accident occurred, I had asked
him various times if he was ok to drive and if not, to let me know and I would
drive. Insisting that he was ok, I allowed him to drive my car, which was the
first mistake I did. Within the month, I received a letter stating that I was
being sued for the accident. After contacting my car insurance company, the
company told me the injured party had the right to sue the driver and me
because it was my car. The company also recommended me to let them deal with
the situation, as they will take care of it. A few months later, I received a
call from my insurance company stating that they will be paying the injured
party as a way to resolve the issue even though I was not the driver.
After a
careful discussion with my car insurance company, I disagreed with their
decision and I decided to seek legal help. A few months after hiring a lawyer,
I was thousands of dollars in debt between lawyer and court fees (Direct cost).
While the case dragged on for over a year, I was uneasy at work, my performance
suffered, and I often found myself thinking about the outcomes of the lawsuit.
All this caused me to make many mistakes in paperwork; I easily lost
concentration on the tasks that required concentration and dedication, and my
customer service suffered (Productivity cost). During the year that the case
proceedings continued to drag on, my personal relationship with my at-the-time
boyfriend began to suffer. We began to argue over the little things, I felt
like I could not trust him anymore and his view of no worries it will get
resolved just drove me to the point of ending the relationship (Continuity
cost).
Even
though it had been over a year since the accident, I had continued to feel
betrayed, angry, mistrusted and blamed him for everything that was happening. I
feared the outcome of the lawsuit and felt that if I lost he should pay me back
for all the lawyer and court fees. I was worried about how high the bills were
getting and wondering by how much my car insurance rate would rise (Emotional
cost). Overall, I was just an emotional, stressed out wreck. It felt like the
case took a life of its own and the cost of this conflict was much greater than
I had originally expected.
Analyzing this situation with Levine’s 10 Principles of
New Thinking, I believe the situation could have changed enough to reduce the
cost of conflict. The first principle that could have been applied to the
situation is becoming open. Rather than trying to be this brave little soldier
that knew better and more than the car insurance company, I should have allowed
the car insurance company to handle the situation. This could have changed the
outcome drastically as I would not had hired a lawyer to look into the case
(zero direct cost), could have reduced the productivity and continuity cost,
and released a bit of pressure on the emotional side of the case. Maybe,
because of this principle, I would still be dating the same person.
The
second principle that could be applied to this situation is relying on feelings
and intuitions. If I had relied on my intuition of my at-the-time boyfriend not
being able to drive, I would have never faced this situation. I would have
avoided the cost of conflict entirely. Lastly, I could apply the principle of
becoming responseAble to this situation. I should have known not to let him
drive that night, as I knew that he was unable to fully rest during the day.
So, I should just have been responsible enough to accept that the occurrence of
the accident was my fault as well as I misjudged the situation.
Reflecting on the results of this exercise, I have
learned that there are many different ways to resolve conflict. By either
trusting my feelings and instincts when something does not feel right or
correct, to becoming open to new experiences, to disclosing feelings and
information and to becoming responseAble and owning up the mistakes made in the
situation. In other words, I learned that it’s best to rely on your instincts,
feelings, trust, and in life to learn how to effectively resolve conflicts your
own way.
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